AFTER ALL

woke up this morning in a funk, half drunk. took a shower and made a pot of coffee. smoked a jazz cigarette, and a cigarette. listened to moscow: i know it's strange to think of you when reading about someone so confused, but i can barely keep my phone away. woke with much worry about dates and trips, bills and my will to do what i must do. walked out into a unexpectedly warm sunny day, a strong pleasing breeze blowing my hair and scarf playfully. then, suddenly, instantaneously, realize the truth: no need to worry. no need when i write. no need when i play music with ancient friends. no need when blown away by peers. no need when prospects, simple ones, the prophesy of hands to be held, cheeks to be kissed, parents to meet, quiet nights under dim lights speaking the same language to be shared, are thought of at work in a dim corner of the office with headphones in listening to jdutt, again, thinking of all this stuff, these things: just like with them we've parted ways, we've set those bridges all ablaze, but i still think we're the only sane ones left.